Family can often seem like a part-time job of birthdays, weddings and Thanksgiving dinners dominated by a loud uncle with a conspiracy theory to share. Why’s that a bad thing?
Sure, a sense of family can be built with loved ones but blood rules over all in our ever-evolving world. My great uncle Tim Wooldridge knows this better than most and exemplifies how people should act as families and communities seem to grow further apart.
“You try and not focus on that and just do what you can on your end of the relationship, keep it going or keep it strong,” he said. “So I guess for some people, it’s, you know, some people want to invest more in the relationship than others.”
Tim has had the short end of the stick most of his life. While our family is in Kansas City, Missouri, Tim moved away to Saint Louis on the other side of the state well before my existence. It’s also worth noting he has a son in North Carolina, a daughter in England and another in Washington, D.C.
Tim has always been the person to call to talk about Cardinals baseball and how the Mizzou Tigers’ football season is shaping up. Tim’s there to talk about school and summer break plans. Tim’s the person to call on good days and bad ones. The distance doesn’t make things easy but that doesn’t matter to him.
For years, Tim has been commuting four hours one way and four hours back accumulating miles on his odometer and a book’s worth of gas station receipts. It all started long before my great-grandmother passed away. He seemed to visit her more than her other three living children. Tim would drive across the state to spend time with her when so few in our Kansas City family seemed to care.
“When it’s come to St Louis, everybody gets in their little world,” he said. “I think you try and be the bigger person and focus on when you’re spending time with them, but it’s a good time and leave it with that.”
Tim has battled with the bumps and bruises of constantly being the first to make contact. He’s always driving across the state, making birthday calls and checking in after tough moments. He doesn’t make excuses or play the blame game to convince someone to drive to Saint Louis.
Tim’s story is surely synonymous with countless others. The rise of remote work and digital nomads has spread families out farther than previously thought possible. The odds are a family from Phoenix has a daughter five states away or in a different country.
A grandmother may scoff at the distance but people can overcome it just like Tim. I’ve often taken advantage of Tim’s well-intentioned motives by failing to respond to texts or return the favor. It’s hard to let go of that feeling of regret to this day.
Yet, his efforts have greatly improved my life as there’s always been someone in my corner. Tim is always there even when it doesn’t feel deserved and his selfless acts have served as inspiration for how to live given the new reality of family dynamics.
Perhaps people won’t always reciprocate but someone has to try. Family wouldn’t be family without the Tims of the world patching holes and keeping the boat afloat.
My girlfriend is Argentinian. No, she’s not an American with family from Buenos Aires. She’s a proud fan of the Argentinian national team who made sure to educate me about how those islands off the South American coast are the Islas Malvinas, not the Falklands. Our story is probably rarer than most as you’d be hard-pressed to find another Kansas Citian and Cordobesa together.
Our story also includes unfortunate but predictable dilemmas and the ever-present question: who has to bite the bullet and move away from family? Currently, the answer is life in Argentina for the foreseeable future. However, that answer also creates a dreaded situation like that faced by Tim.
The distance may scare some but years of looking up to my great-uncle have prepared me to step up as he once did. Anyone who wants to put in the work can make time for family, it doesn’t matter how far away they are.
If Tim can do it across a state and I will across continents, there’s no reason why most everyone can’t make an effort with the family they have. Life is too short not to try.
